Jaded

So finals are over and summer is finally upon us. Whew! Yet, I am jaded once again. Jaded by the fact that after I finally seem to pull myself out of the "stupid" (I know I am really not stupid) phase I seemed to have gone through my first two semesters of nursing school... I keep missing an A in like one or two classes a semester by 1 point or less. Most teachers in nursing school find rounding up, as you would in the ordinary non-nursing world, to be unquestionable. So that the two hardest classes I have yet taken in school leave me with the wind knocked out of my sails. I know that this has nothing to do with how smart I am, or how well we do, or how much I know. It's more of a personal thing.

It's like this, a person climbs a mountain for no one but them self and when they get to the summit, it's the best feeling in the world or perhaps there is a soda machine up there. They are satisfied. For two semesters I have spent months climbing to the top, and for two semesters I am jaded. Not by the fact that I did not get to the top. I did, and then some. I just got stuck with a regular old Coke machine instead of the Dr. Pepper machine that I had hoped for.

Then I get these scary thoughts like... what if I get dumb again next semester. Or even worse, in sixth semester when I take critical care... what then??? I may end up hating myself.

Perhaps all of us in nursing school are just unsatisfied over achievers.